We arrive at the Maloka one hour before the ceremonie's beginning. 30 minutes into complete group silence, our maestra and maestro walk in, along with our facilitator. Diogenes, the maestro, sings an icaro into the Ayahuasca bottle we are soon about to drink from. We receive some mapacho cigarettes. These are filled with nicotiana rustica, not nicotiana tabacum.(1) Mapacho is much different than cigarettes from the states. Mapacho protects us from spirits, they say. I don't inhale the smoke, but blow it over my body, for supposed protection. This stuff is pretty awful. I gag. Our facilitator turns off the diesel run lanterns, turning our space pitch black.
After about 20 minutes, I feel like I am tumbling forward, as if I am in a hamster ball, and the ball, or journey, rolls to a start. I then lie down. Geometrical patterns start to form upon closing my eyes. See (2). The pattern's middle then folds in, almost as if a door or gateway is opening up. I feel my perception of the universe is about to change. These patterns are black and metallic grey. My visions begin, in color. I see scary images. Dead people. They taunt me by sticking out there tongues at me, making fun of me. Rotting skin. I get the feeling that this is a test, or a show. Maybe a freak show? (3) I start to laugh and smile. "I know what you are up to," I say. The dead smile back at me. "You passed" they articulate. Somewhere along this timeline, I open my eyes. I no longer can see or sense the people around me, even though my near neighbors are a mere meter to my left and right. I am in my own world. There is a large witch-like character in front of me. She is wider than humanely possible, similar to a computer screen with the wrong dimensions. To my left I see the maestra on the floor. She is on her side. She signals for me to come. "Come back to my journey," I think. I close my eyes once again, going back to my tour. Sometimes I sense my spirit body walking and/or moving my hands. I also feel like my optical view is coming from inside my mouth. Reminds me of Tony's character in 'The Shining', as well as the film 'Being John Malkovich'. I see four or five white old men sitting around a half circle table. One of the men, with glasses signals for me to come. "Continue your journey," he says. There are many other things I see, but remembering them is beyond me. Throughout this trip, the maestra comes in front of me, and sings to me her icaro. However, I don't vividly remember this. I barely sense her touching my hair and face. (for protection) Later, the maestro visits me. More vivid. We greet each other. I laugh, saying the word "drunkie." He laughs as well. He blows mapacho onto me, then sings his icaro. So beautiful. I am purely happy.
*back up*
During my visions, I am scared. I tell myself I want this to stop. I tell myself I won't be doing Ayahuasca again. My views change after this. I welcome struggle with open arms. This is where growth occurs. I picture my family. Sensing my father I cry. I cry for my mother as well. I then feel bad for my uncle. I wish he could feel this medicine. I also sense that I may not see my family for a long time. I don't see how I could go back to that way of life. The temple is magical. Perfect.
I do not sense the ceremony ending. At some point, the ayahuasqueros and facilitator leave. I, like others, stay in our beds. I think and meditate on countless subjects until day break.
*back up*
I go to the washroom (outhouse) to poop/purge. After, I go into the grass and clear my sinuses. I look at the half moon. Oddly, the clouds are at a standstill. (later I learn this is due to weaker wind currents in the area)
At around 5:30 AM, I walk to my room, immediately falling asleep for one hour.
*One of the few positive visions was of a beautiful woman that is at the temple currently.
NOTES
1- Mapacho / Nicotiana Rustica
2- Ayahuasca Pattern
3- George Carlin on God, the planet, and "the freak show"
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